Harold and the Purple Crayon

 It's really easy to see why children could enjoy a picture book about a four-year-old who is incredibly curious and has the ability to draw anything he can think of using a purple crayon. However, it is nearly impossible to understand why children would find enjoyment in a meta-live-action adaptation of Crockett Johnson's beloved tale. In this adaptation, the small hero, now a stoic 43-year-old manboy portrayed by Zachary Levi, escapes into the real world as part of a quest akin to "Barbie" to meet his creator, fighting to shield a dilapidated widow (Zooey Deschanel) from the amorous advances of a creatively frustrated librarian (Jemaine Clement). There's nothing quite like an existential stroll around Providence's suburbs to amuse small children!  

I have no problem with a little postmodern self-reflection in a large-budget movie that lacks significant ideas overall, but it saddens me that a film like "Harold and the Purple Crayon" would prefer to be a meaningless tribute to its intellectual property rather than a useful reminder of why it has persisted for so long. Even though I enjoyed watching a children's film in which Zachary Levi, of all people, learns that his God has passed away (spoiler alert: Johnson passed away in 1975), I find it hard to think that my own kids would find the same joy in such a blatantly non-magical version.  

If Carlos Saldanha's film had shown even a hint of the creativity that it purports to honour, things could have turned out differently, but as it stands, this misguided endeavour looks and feels like an adult's conception of how children should think. "Harold and the Purple Crayon" is a 90-minute play that has all the fun of an adult, terminally logical play called "Scribblenauts." The title character, though magically endowed with the ability to create matter out of thin air, spends nearly all of his time using his magical Crayola to create bizarre animals and ridiculous vehicles. 

Experience the amazement as Harold fixes Terry's flat tyre in Deschanel! Astonished and in awe at the scene where Harold builds a plane to help him find his "old man" more easily (a convoluted and somewhat comical scenario indicative of a screenplay that works better when it appeals to adults than children). When Mel, Terry's kid (Benjamin Bottani), uses the crayon to make a really scary spider-fly, you will scream in terror! You can have a good idea of the nightmares your child will experience in the near future by imagining what would have happened if Grimace and Seth Brundle had been in the telepod.